Lisa's Day

The Journaling Project is Changing

  3/21/09 10:26 am *No correcting *Battlestar 2021 / 10:10 pm *Painting a feeling?

3/22/09 9:24 am *Yes, I did screw myself over post-UG.

3/23/09 8:40 pm Re: the bed image from Misery. It should have been about a feeling. Then I turned it into a perfectionist exercise. (The pencil drg on canvas.)

3/24/09 7:10 pm I'm wiped. Maybe the pill and a half of Atenolol isn't such a good idea. Last night I took two Pamprin. I mean, I'm wiped. I worked out Monday. My muscles are SO SORE. More sore than they should be.

3/24/09 We saw a Heron in flight as we arrived at Greenbelt this morning. I didn't even think to make a note. What's wrong with me?

3/25/09

3/26/09

3/26/09

3/27/09 12:12 pm At lunch. My regular journaling pen died, so I'm using a substitute Pilot pen. It doesn't seem to matter on this paper. I've been pondering the status of The Journaling Project and I'm wondering if it's time to call it quits. Yes. Call it quits. It's funny, at some point - I don't even remember when - Memphis? Seattle? - Steve suggested I stop with the j. pieces. I had a fit! NO! No No No! How could I give up my method of art making?! And I was so into it. I have been all along. Until we came here. To the 4th Layer of Hell that is the DC Metro Area. When I was in Memphis, I had plenty to write about and draw. The project itself was still new. In Seattle, I think the project was at its best. There were wonderful things to draw. Even in Misery, there were things to draw. I was continually working on other things - big drawings or trying to paint. But I always had the constant of drawing things from everyday life. And documenting my life.

But here, I've run out of steam. I don't want to document my life because it's gotten unbelievably depressing and mundane. I really dislike my job because it's so boring and I really dislike my Boss, so I don't want to write about him. My commute wears me out. We're broke so we have no money for fun pursuits. Steve is still out of work, and finances are so tight. There's nothing interesting to draw. We don't even have a cat anymore. This place truly has sucked the life out of me.

3/27/09 Last year I set the goal of drawing something every day, but often I ended up just scribbling the same things over and over just to have a drawing. Like: Oh, yeah. Scribble.

Couple all that with the fact that it's going nowhere. Way back at the beginning, in 1997, I wanted to get it published. I thought people would want to read it. That went nowhere. I wrote to agents who had no idea what I was talking about. In Seattle, I wasted my time and money joining the Pacific NW Writer's Association - or whatever the heck they were called - and going to a writer's conference. The membership was a complete waste of money, and at the conference nobody knew what I was talking about. I had book samples and they practically sat on their hands so they wouldn't have to touch them. Waste of money. I tried to pursue book arts. Waste of time, despite the fact that the U. of WA. bought one of my books. I'm way behind the curve on being online and all the social media networking. I just got my blog up in late 07. And nobody appears to be reading it. I think I need to jazz it up a bit. I haven't been sure how. And I haven't been very motivated.

3/27/09

  3/28/09 12:17 pm We are at Arundel Mills, at the counter at Johnny Rockets. I was in the mood for a burger. Oh, yeah: the state tax refund appeared in Steve's account. Hence the money for lunch out. 2:14 pm Heron!

3/28/09

3/28/09 8:35 pm I have some catch-up writing to do. Which I am going to do. But starting April 1st - no foolin'! - I'm going to stop doing so much writing on the j. pieces. I may get a spiral or something to write in. I'll still jot notes on the j. pieces. But they will be mainly for notes, ideas, and drawings. Not extensive text. Then I can edit, rewrite, then transcribe into my Blog. Like actual Blogging. I really wish I had a Blackberry so I could post to my Blog anywhere. One day I will.

So - I made a note last week. No correcting. Because that's been my big problem. I also got out my Undergrad slides last weekend to look at them, hence the note: Yes, I did screw myself over by feeling I had to learn drawing skills post-undergrad. I've had this Drawing Skills inadequacy issue my whole life. And it's been such a waste of time. So that every drawing - well, maybe not every one, but whenever I've tried to go to big pieces, they become all about CORRECTING. Is it right? Is it correct? Is it accurate? I made a note about the bed image from Misery, because when I made that original drg on the j. piece, it was about a feeling, a nice memory, a tender moment. Then I made it about CORRECTNESS. With that pencil drg on canvas, which was supposed to be a guide for a painting. Then I worked so hard on it, how could I cover it with paint? It became about correctness. Not about feeling anymore. It lost its life.

You can find the original Bed Image sketch and the overly-corrected pencil drawing on canvas in this post: http://klisaanne.typepad.com/lisas_day/2007/11/painting-in-may.html

This week I've been scribbling - nothing at first - and waiting to see what I see in the scribbles, then making a drg from there. I like them. I will do more. Scribbling, no correcting.

Battlestar 2021. Steve found this video on YouTube where someone put together all this BSG footage to the sound of the robot brain episode of Sealab 2021. Freaking hysterical. Apollo as Sparks. The Chief as Marco - hilarious. So, we've been reciting the dialog all week. Also texting. I loved that they found a BSG shot of an intercom. So freaking funny.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vfHaE7TTwS0

Oh, and - against Dr's orders - I stopped the extra 1/2 pill of Atenolol. It was wearing me out.

I Need a Change

I'm considering drastically changing The Journaling Project.

I'm considering stopping all the writing on the J. Pieces.

Wow. This is BIG for me.

I think it's just run its course. I did some writing about it yesterday, after thinking about it at my desk at my crappy job yesterday morning. I wrote about it during lunch, then got a call from that employment agency about a job, so I got distracted. Yes, a job - I might be interviewing next week. More later.

Anyway. Not that anyone is reading this or really cares, but this is a big deal. I've been doing this since 1997. But it's gone nowhere. I need to take better advantage of "social media" - a term I learned last week thanks to a few art blogs I've been following or recently discovered. More later on those, too.

So.

Wow.

Lisa giving up the J. Pieces - my lifeline since 1997. How about that.

More Late Posting - Stress, Gino Hollander Vidoes, and Daniel Smith annoys me again

3/15/09 6:16 pm Quiet Sunday at home. My stomach has been ill today. That happens when I stress out - not quite sure what the stress trigger was. I remembered something I forgot to do at work and sent myself an email reminder. Work is stressing me out way too much. And causing me to screw up, forget things, etc. Sharon came by on Friday (H.R. screwed up and didn't put her Vacation time in her last paycheck - or maybe did it on purpose. So, Anne cut her a check manually and told her to come by to pick it up). Anyway. She said she's been working in "my office"- if I get that job. Asst to the new COO. They send out the bid for the search firm for the COO the week of the 23rd. Not soon enough! I feel like I'm serving time at my current job. PRISON BREAK: SECRETARY DIVISION.

I went online while Steve took a nap and watched one of the Gino Hollander documentary videos. I scribbled down that one part from the trailer where he said the worst thing about painting is learning to paint. I liked the parts that showed him working, painting. He just starts - and he doesn't know where he's going or what the image will be. And he keeps working on the ptgs. I think he starts with primed canvas (like purchased rolls of pre-primed canvas).

http://www.hollanderart.com/sitepages/pid100.php

I found these videos on the Artworks Magazine website: http://artworksmagazine.com/

3/15/09

3/16/09 6:58 pm Monday off. Because I went to the Dr. Just for a blood pressure check. So I can get my prescriptions renewed. Dr. Rosenstock is upping my b.p. medicine to a pill and a half a day. She knows I'm having trouble with the stress of this place.

3/16/09 She did say something interesting about weight loss. She suggested I get a pedometer. She said there are studies that show 10,000 steps a day does make a difference.

  3/17/09 8:18 pm Steve tells me I need to stop thinking so much about my art and feel more. Stop being so analytical.

3/17/09 Sunday I was worried that I forgot to make my Boss a hotel reservation for an upcoming trip. That was the thing I had to email myself. Today I got out the trip folder. Got the printed reservation right there. Am I losing my mind? Yes! I work for a great big JACKASS! Sharon called this evening. Just to tell me that on her way out she ran into the Director of H.R. She asked about the C.O.O. position and plugged me for the EA position! I'd love to be over there right now.

3/18/09 8:32 pm So, I got my art supplies from Daniel Smith. I ordered some paint, and 11 sheets of drawing paper to try out. They did not label them in any way. I'm not even sure they sent me the right stuff. I had to go through the sheets one by one, measure them, consult the online catalog. Four of them were clear. Three are guesses. Four are unidentified. Maybe I should get my stuff elsewhere. Their customer service sucks. It took weeks to get an answer on this Stonehenge. If that's what I'm currently writing on. I'm not sure I was told the truth. Especially since it took repeated calls and emails to get an answer. Then they tell me, oh, the paper co. changed it. Yeah.

3/18/09

3/19/09 8:02 pm

3/20/09 7:56 pm

3/20/09

3/20/09 11:12 pm We just watched the end of B.G. (Sob.) I liked it. But: No more BG! (sniff.) I'd cry, but I'm too tired. Steve just pointed to the bedroom. Like: Go to bed.

I'm Late Posting

  3/7/09 1.

3/7/09 2. Erased. [Just testing pencil scribbling - big mess vs. erased. Bah. Not sure I'm liking the pencil anymore.]

3/8/09 [Just a scribbled drg, then it looked like a pillow on a bed. Don't really like it - feeling like I'm groping in the dark.]

3/9/09 Flowers made from diff. fabrics. -? Not like a picture of a garden. Figure - Life Drg --correctness, correcting, proper proportion.  Figure - something different. Non-linear. [Still musing over the Garden Quilt, and musing over how to deal with the Figure.]

  3/9/09 [Just scribbling again.]

3/10/09 What is between this - and this?

3/10/09 12:49 pm Ultra-precise is not the answer, but neither is a big scribbled mess. What is in between them?

3/11/09 8:18 pm Idea ... to - ?

3/12/09 2:51 pm My experiences.

3/13/09 5:06 pm Steve had to give me two Pamprin last night. Not sleeping well. Stressed. Anxious. Hate my job. Hate my Boss. Bah. Haven't been writing much lately because - really - there's not much to write about. Nothing going on. Just the Daily Grind. and I mean Grind, like grinding me into the ground.

3/13/09 Get pose right. Lightly sketch. Layer materials. And Heron.

3/14/09 11:01 am We're in Bowie. I need to learn to call it "Boo-ey" - like bouy. We went to Michael's, Target, and Staples. I knocked my electric pencil sharpener on the floor last week and that knocked the inner mechanism sideways. I'd had it since Atlanta. Now we're at Panera. We got lunch, plus "Ciabatta loaf." Cashier Girl heard "Sesame." Since that's more expensive, she just gave us two Ciabattas. How you hear "Sesame" from "Ciabatta" is beyond me. 8:18 pm So, I need to do some catch up. From the week before last. One morning while Steve was merging onto the Parkway, this fucking rude woman illegally passed him on the right in the merge lane to cut in front of him. On her car: one of those "Choose Civility" bumper stickers. Yeah: not. I've just been making various notes on drawing. Last week I was reading an artist's blog and she wrote about her art being about her making sense of her life experiences (or something like that). So I was wondering how to sum up my experiences: a knot. Uptight. Stressed. Knotted up inside. (Not that I'm going to start drawing knots.) But I have spent so much of my life all tied up in knots. Not sure why - I think it's just my nature. I used to picture my insides like a bowl full of spaghetti.

  3/14/09 I don't want to make art about that. I want to make art about the quiet moments. The contemplative moments. (-can I not draw this evening?!) [That is what the Journaling Project was supposed to be about. And it was in Memphis and Seattle and even Misery. I keep meaning to get back to the Seattle pieces, scanning and posting.]

3/14/09 Anyway. How can I untie the knots? How can I quiet the currents of stress and disappointment and expectations? Especially now with the shitty job I have and the Worst. Boss. Ever. -? And the stress of this crappy place? I've had these feelings all my life. Could it be something leftover from a past life? I'm still convinced I'm being punished for something in a past life. It's unfair that I don't even know what it is. Was. How do I untie the knots?

Snow Day, Then a Quiet Week

3/1/09

3/2/09 6:32 pm Another Monday at home - yeah! This time due to snow. The Weather Channel called it "Mega-Storm" because it affected the South to the Northeast. Even Darla stayed home. It snowed hard late night to mid morning. We were blanketed. So, last week I started off drawing "nothing" - just shapes. I was just trying to work on the drg method and not the image. I like some of them. Not all of them. Over the weekend I taped/glued some of my drg paper together to make big sheets to draw on. Last night I did a drg on a leftover piece of charcoal paper. Just a scribbled figure. At first it looked like a bad drg from Life Drawing class. Ugh! So dissatisfying. So I kept working on it - erasing and redrawing. And I like it better. It's messier, more abstract. And not like some crappy Undergrad Life Drawing assignment. I need to do another one. [I never did another one.]

  3/2/09

3/3/09

3/3/09 5:29 pm

3/4/09

3/5/09 7:50 am On Green train. First I saw a light brown hawk in a tree beside the tracks. Then I saw a bright red Cardinal on a wire.

3/5/09 And now I just saw a Redwing Blackbird in flight over a pond!

3/5/09 [This is a sketch from a photo in the Express paper of a ballerina. It was just a pretty picture.]

3/5/09 6:46 pm *Choose Civility - ha!  --  Think of something & draw or start drg & see what happens. Neither works: need a middle ground. -- Too analytical. -- [This is after a discussion w/Steve about my art - I need to write about this.]

3/6/09 12:42 pm *How do you forget everything you've ever known? *How do you let go of ideas you've had for years? *How do you admit that what you are doing is not working? *How do you start over?

3/6/09

More Scribbling

  2/26/09 1.

2/26/09 2.

2/26/09 3.

2/27/09 1.

2/27/09 2.

2/27/09 3.

2/28/09

A Few Days of Drawing 'Nothing'

2/23/09 6:32 pm More errant lines. Don't clean it up - more dirty. Less erasing & correcting.

2/23/09 1.

2/23/09 2.

2/23/09 3.

2/24/09 1.

2/24/09 2.

2/24/09 3.

2/24/09 4.

  2/24/09 5.

2/25/09 1.

2/25/09 2.

2/25/09 3.

2/25/09 4.

2/25/09 5.