1/11/09 3:48 pm So, this is our "Duh" Moment of the Day: We're having a slow-roasted pork roast (just smoked paprika, nothing else). Over rice, with gravy. With oven-roasted Balsamic Potatoes/onions/garlic on the side.
1/11/09 Everything is almost done. And Steve just said, "Wait a minute...are we having TWO STARCHES?!" Oh, well. 6:19 pm Our starchy supper was fan-tastic. I'm kind of out of it today. Except for earlier. [heart heart heart] Wow. Like: Wow.
1/11/09 I didn't mention Thursday that Michelle brought in her Boxer mix puppy for us to see. She was so cute. Gangly puppy. little nubbin tail
1/11/09
1/11/09 8:46 pm Quick idea. I've had 3 or 4 glasses of wine. I lost count. I should go to bed.
1/12/09 8:31 pm I was head hunted today. Get this: "EA." (and I never refer to myself as an "EA.") (EA - Exec Asst) $130,000.00 a year! The head hunter spoke to Sharon about me. What the hell - I'll interview. But I'm not holding my breath. Sharon thinks she knows where it is.
1/12/09 8:22 pm
1/13/09 12:55 pm
1/14/09 11:14 am I'm at the National Gallery, in a hidden gallery I never knew was here, in front of their three Rothkos. [insert choir singing] On the left is a magenta black one. In the center is a blue green and white one. On the right is an orange, yellow and white one.
1/14/09 I like the big blue one best. After staring at it awhile, the colors begin to shimmer, especially the borders of the green rectangles against the deep blue. I'd like to take this one home with me. I'd like to live with it awhile.
1/14/09 There aren't any brush strokes, or thick paint - it's all watery and sunk into the canvas. I used to paint like that, on raw canvas, as an undergrad. Watery paint that sunk in and stained the canvas. It looks like it may be layers of paint.
1/14/09 Like he put down one rectangle, then put another on top, but didn't fully cover the one underneath. Then the white rectangle at the bottom is opaque paint, but you can see the dark color showing underneath. It's not perfect.
1/14/09 When you look at each rectangle, they aren't solid colors, they are full of atmosphere - I see orangy brown and several shades of green in the two "green" rectangles. I see lots of darker shades showing throughout the white one.
1/14/09 They are definitely more than just blocks of color. They draw you in. If you're willing to sit here and look awhile. The more I look, the more I see in the ptg. I wish I could make art that speaks volumes.
1/14/09 This is something that I just can't manage to do - to put down material - drg or ptg media - and let it be, let it develop, let it speak. I always shush it and try to fix it (ruin it) and declare it a failure and move on.
1/14/09 I've never approached my art in this way - letting the art speak. Letting marks, colors, strokes - speak. Without obsessing over the art-killing accuracy. Without fixing, adjusting, like I'm terminally trapped in Life Drg.
1/14/09 I have never seen art materials as a physical vehicle for expression. I have always been far too cerebral with it. Stuck in my own head, playing my Low Self-Esteem tapes of - "Oh, but it's just not right."
1/14/09 I still haven't learned to be an artist. I still don't know what it means to be an artist. To take materials and let them speak. - And listen to what they have to say instead of imposing dialogue upon them. No, no, let me fix you.
1/14/09 I've never learned how to paint vs. taking paint and making an image of x. I've come close and backed off. I've never let the paint be paint. vs. a vehicle. The paint is. It doesn't have to be x.
1/14/09 Putting down the paint and seeing what it does is enough. Where did I get the faulty idea that accurate realism is the only goal? That the image is the goal vs. what is the paint doing? Is it moving? Is it speaking? Is it glowing?
1/14/09 I am far too mental and cerebral and not physical enough. Art making is a physical thing. I have never approached it that way - physically put down materials, step back, and see what they do. --DON'T THINK!
1/14/09 I am not a very physical person, but I need to be. I have never been a very physical person. I have always spent way too much time inside my own head, lost in my thoughts, daydreaming. I need to get out of my head. OUT.
1/14/09 11:55 am I've been sitting here looking at the blue ptg so long, I wouldn't even call the green rectangle green anymore, I can see so many other colors in them, like a forest in the top one, like the ocean in the middle one.
1/14/09 What would happen if I painted a figure like this, I wonder? / You know, I confess, when I first came in here, my first impression of these ptgs was: it's just rectangles of color.
1/14/09 I wanted to be blown away immediately, but was not. However, having sat here for about 45 minutes now, looking and looking, and being with them, letting them speak, now that I can see what's there, now I'm blown away. It takes time.
1/14/09 It's normal for the brain to quickly categorize - "orange" "yellow" "blue" "green" "white" "magenta" "black" . This takes looking beyond that. Like in Drg on the Rt Side of the Brain, you have to quiet the Left Side and let the Right Side come out.
1/14/09 It takes time to see the sea of colors. To see the movement come out. For the "green" to become something else. For the ptg to start talking. They are saying: There is more here than you think.
1/14/09 Maybe that has also been my problem, still not addressed - the Left Brain asserts itself and never gives the Right Brain a chance to look, consider, see. What a funny dilemma for an artist, huh?
1/14/09 Further proof that I still don't know how to be an artist. It's difficult when your goal is to NOT DO rather than TO DO. How about a goal of just TO BE? Or TO LET IT BE? DON'T THINK.
1/14/09 I need to make myself a big sign: DON'T THINK. / This is the last j. piece I have with me. I used them all up! 12:12 pm Wow - I've been with the Rothkos for an hour. I need to find a bathroom. I had to pee when I got here! Then I forgot about it in front of the ptgs!
