4/3/98 Why am I so unsettled and restless tonight? This drawing looks more like Mom than me.
4/4/98 I come home to find Steve fast asleep & surrounded by CATS.
4/8/98 GOD, TODAY SUCKED. I’m so upset, I can’t even write about it --- will catch up tomorrow. WILD OATS, GO TO HELL!
4/9/98 Still mad. Will catch up tomorrow.
4/10/98 I called Lifeblood to set up an interview, but the woman was going to be out of the office all day, and leaving early on Friday, so I don’t have an interview until Monday at 11:30. UGH!
4/10/98 Okay, let’s backtrack to Wednesday. Steve & I both had the day off. We got up & Dad called inviting us for lunch---some sales rep was going to bring us pizza. We did some laundry first. After lunch, we headed over to U of M so Steve could register---and he discovered it is now 100% phone reg’n and had to track down a PIN.
4/10/98 Then we went home. There was a message on the answ. Machine from Jody---she rather cryptically asked Steve to call so they could “talk about some things.’ He called & Jody gave the phone to Steve Brett who asked Steve to come in for just about ten minutes. [Brett was our General Manager/Asshole.]
4/10/98 That’s how long it takes for the GM to make an employee take two weeks of leave involuntarily. They’re taking Steve off the schedule --- it would have been a month, but my Steve bargained down to two weeks.
4/10/98 Steve Brett said people have been calling in sick for every conceivable thing. My Steve got the impression our GM did not believe him about the migraines. Steve Brett told Steve to “rest his psyche.”
4/10/98 So, we went home and I made job-related phone calls, to all three employment agencies and all jobs I faxed resumes to. Nothing. We finally went out to go wander around the Mall, then to Perkins.
4/10/98 Oh, yeah. About 8:30 Thurs. morning (the Day After) Jody calls wanting to know where Steve is!?!?
4/10/98 Today, I wasn’t ignoring Steve Brett, but I wasn’t initiating any conversation. He finally came up to me and said he spoke to---someone---about me taking Lynne’s place, and they were very excited. I told him to keep me posted.
4/10/98 Then he asked how Steve was. I said, “Just fine.” And he tried to play like the whole thing was because he was concerned for Steve’s health. I told him Steve is just a migraine sufferer---you can’t predict when he’ll get one, and you can’t cure them.
4/10/98 Asshole. I don’t like to see them treat Steve this way. He works hard and deserves so much more. He went out looking for another job today---filled out lots of applications.
4/10/98 When we got home from the axe, I mean, Wild Oats, there was lots of mail. Letters from Aunt Betty and Jami. And the gallery in Philadelphia: THEY LOST THEIR LEASE AND ALL THE FALL SHOWS ARE CANCELED. God Dammit.
4/10/98 I worked on the boxes for the Wild Oats show all day yesterday. I finally finished them around midnight. I changed the “Work” images. (Expressing my anger.) [Charles, a local art fixture in Memphis, organized a show in the Wild Oats Café.]
4/10/98 The four boxes are on the themes Art, Love, Home and Work. The art pieces are about art supplies vs. bills, not having enough time, will anyone notice, and carving my niche. The love is all me & Steve. The Home is me & Steve, the cats, no more upheaval & rollplaying. Work contains Steve getting stabbed in the back, reading classifieds, W.O. as a war zone & the Bootheel Factor.
4/10/98 (This is Steve’s) ‘Za of Doom – What do you want? ...on your pizza? Kosh says, “Health Inspector!” Delenn says, “John...if you eat ‘Za of Doom, you will die!” Sheridan says, “Aw, c’mon Delenn. Just one slice!”
4/11/98 Had a much better day today. Pretty slow in the Deli, due to Easter Weekend. [Dan’s Easter Carols:] Bunnies hoppin’ down the trail...and Jesus rising too...
4/13/98 Just after I got to work, Niki came up to me and said, “Lisa, I love you!!” I said, “What did I do?!” She said, “Your artwork in the Café! When I got to the Work box...”
4/16/98 I got up early for my 2nd interview at Lifeblood. I wore one of the new rompers. (Yes, a dress!) It went well. It was with Sandra and three other team leaders. I answered all their questions well. They were to have made a decision today. They did not call.
4/19/98 Waiting. Waiting. Waiting. Oh, and Steve had GOOD NEWS – Blockbuster called and hired him! And Wild Oats put him back on the schedule for 32 hours.
4/19/98 Steve came to pick me up, get his schedule, and put in his two week’s notice. So much for our fantasy of both of us putting in our notice on the same day.
4/20/98 I GOT THE JOB!
4/23/98 Am I the only one who suffers from Artistic Guilt?
4/23/98 Artistic Guilt: Self-doubt. The desire to do the kind of artwork that others do. Envy of others’ ideas-methods-focus-success-fame. Inability to produce. The desire to be a marketable HACK. Fear of following your own voice.
4/30/98 Steve & I slept in late. My last chance to do that on a weekday. I decided to forget about going to get a TN driver’s license. We went to IHOP instead.