Back in Undergrad when I was trying to make art out of my overwhelming negative feelings, I drew an image of myself chained by a wall. Professor L. rolled her eyes and said, “Come on, ball and chain?” It was a clunky student image, but at the time it represented what I felt. Chained to the dead weight of my disappointments and failures.
When I let go of my expectations, the result blew away my Professors. But not me.
I had a fervent desire to be a big bold splashy painter, to openly express myself, but the reality was so much less than that.
After my BFA program, I literally went back to the drawing board. I believed that I had to learn accuracy. Which I could have done while exhibiting and selling the abstract paintings. But I just didn’t know how. I don’t even know how today.
Just after graduating, I was exhausted, spent, and had no job lined up. This was June of 1989.
Besides exhaustion, both physical and mental, I was also suffering from a severe lack of Self-Esteem.