I am not a painter. I am giving up paint.
I still didn't get it in this post. I began writing the draft of that blog post asserting I AM NOT A PAINTER. And then I backtracked. I just couldn't let go. I thought I was getting it somehow, that I was 'making it work.' I had to realize that for me all I need is the drawing.
I am not a painter!
I have tried - yes, I have tried - dialing it back, only using it sparingly. I thought I liked it when I finished the painting of baby me and Mom, and when I finished the painting of childhood me. But not with the Symon in the Snow 3 piece. After looking at it, I realize I do not like it. I ruined it as well, by adding paint to a wonderful drawing.
Here it was as just a drawing:
I should have left it. Just the clear gesso, nothing more.
Well, as of today, I have used up and/or thrown out all of my paint. I drew some circles on one of the 18x24 canvases and painted them like a color chart (red-orange-yellow-green-blue-indigo-violet). This painting is going to be used to shut down my Left Brain. What paint I had left I painted on the other 18x24 canvas I have stretched and gessoed, to be a portrait of me during the time of my BFA program in Atlanta. I painted the surface with the rest of that sample of Golden Absorbent Ground, and then spritzed and sprayed some blue and Payne's Gray and a bit of green over the background - the last of my Golden Liquid Acrylics. The empty bottles are in the trash. My cheapo set of watercolors, too.
It is time to move on.
I am NOT a painter!
I will stare at this painting, ignoring my Left Brain as it gets irritated, frustrated, then bored and shuts itself off. And no more painting, no more paint, just no.