What does it mean to fail?
We cannot find employment. We are running out of money. We cannot pay rent or bills if we stay.
Steve’s Mom said we could stay with them, in Albuquerque. My brother suggested we stay with him instead, in Indiana (one of few states in the black). The Penske truck is $1200 to NM, $363 to IN. So we are going to Indiana.
It’s not an easy thing as an adult to realize you cannot take care of yourself.
I’m feeling all kinds of stupid. For leaving a job in DC paying $56K, although my brother said if I was so unhappy there it wasn’t worth it. For leaping without a net. We hear: Leap and the net will appear! Well, not this time.
It’s also been distressing that nobody can help us get jobs. In this economy when people hear you need a job they kind of shuffle backwards away from you. Or stop answering emails. Employment agencies in Chicago have proven to be useless, scamming applicants by running fake ads just to get people to sign up (one of them confirmed this) – that’s how I ended up registered at seven different agencies, and would have signed up at #8 except that I got a temp job. $14/hour wasn’t enough money, and once again I was in an office with not much to do, feeling useless.
I can’t even begin to describe the stress, but now I believe we both know what Martha Beck describes as “adrenal burnout." We are both pushed to the breaking point. Five years in the DC area, with Steve unable to find a job in his field, heavy traffic and commuting and living financially right on the edge already put us in a vulnerable state. Now crashing and burning in Chicago has pushed us over the cliff.
It was also a surprise to discover we could not break our lease. However, we gave the apartment management a month’s notice and they listed it right away, and have showed it several times. We are leaving at a good time, since incoming Northwestern students are looking for housing. We enjoyed our time in Evanston, walking distance from just about everything, including beachfront Lake Michigan. We loved walking down there in the evenings to listen to the waves.
We had a lot of plans that just dissipated. I don’t know what is in our future except some quiet time in rural Indiana.
I’m not sure when we’ll get internet access set up, so we may be offline for awhile. We will shut down our internet this Wednesday and move on Thursday June 30th.
The road ahead is unclear. But we have always survived. We crashed and burned together. We’ll recover together.