I'm stewing over my upcoming birthday. I don't feel 45!
I'm stewing over all that I haven't done with my life (that I wanted to).
I was reading this week's Carolyn Hax Chat. http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/discussion/2009/05/29/DI2009052902859.html
Someone wrote in about seeing friends who are all successful while she's struggling to find a job in a new field (she was worried about other things too). Later, a Hax Peanut wrote that the friends have already achieved so much, so what's left for them but dinners and death and what's left for "Urgent New York"? Everything!
I wish I could have that kind of attitude. Like: well, if I were already successful, I'd have nothing to work toward! But a lot of the time that seems like crap. If I were already successful, I wouldn't be living paycheck to paycheck, or living in such a sucky place. Sigh.
There was an earlier chat: http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/discussion/2009/04/24/DI2009042402953.html
Someone wrote in that their partner is miserable where they're living (I wonder if they're in Maryland, too) and the writer wanted to know what to do. Then a Hax Peanut wrote in to say she was the miserable partner, but it dawned on her that she was in control of her happiness, and she decided to make an effort to be happy and not let the place get her down. I printed that and carried it around with me. It worked for a little while, but I've drifted back down to my miserable-ness.
And it's causing Birthday Angst.
This reminds me of when I was back in Grad School and I made a note and a drawing in a sketchbook that my Self Esteem is like a plant - it needs watering and attention or it will wilt.