We finally got a chair for the living room. It has been Symon-Tested and Symon-Approved.
Thanksgiving weekend I bought Symon a little plush cat bed. He slept in it a few times, but then ignored it. He likes to hang out under our bed, so Steve put the cat bed under there. This morning it was in the middle of the bedroom floor. Apparently Symon doesn't like it and doesn't want it in his hang-out. OKAY.
The Comfy Chair will do just fine.
I bought a piece of fleece, and I washed it this evening. It didn't dry completely, so I draped it over a chair.
Okay, that was my first mistake.
I should have known drapey fabric = irresistible to kitten.
Kitten claws can make marks in fabric. In case you didn't know that.
Symon, that's not really for you.
What?
Listen, Symon.
He's not listening.
As I said a few months ago, I've cocooned myself, so to speak, to get some clarity and work out a few things. I'm getting closer, but I'm not quite there yet.
I realized I didn't know what I was doing with color. Why am I using these bright vibrant colors when the theme of my work is muted and introspective? I decided to gesso over my backgrounds and start over.
I also decided I have had enough of Daniel Smith brand paint and their lids that break.
Their solution was to send me more lids, but they never acknowledged there was a problem. My solution is to switch to Golden. I have never had a problem with their lids on their tubes of Heavy Body paint. And - Okay! Okay! You win, everybody, you win! GOLDEN FLUID ACRYLICS.
I don't know why I have insisted on sticking with Heavy Body paint - no, wait, I do. I'm stubborn and I hate to abandon things that don't work. However, I'm learning (see gessoed paintings above).
I'm working through a lot of old mental habits, cleaning out the attic of my head. I've moved from Martha Beck's Four Day Win to her book Steering by Starlight.
It takes time. A lot of time. And effort. But it will be worth it, when I finally spread my wings to fly.
I created a second Facebook page for Lisa Klow Artist. There's nothing on it yet, but maybe if a lot of people 'Like' it I'll post some pictures.
I'm still going through a lot of mental housecleaning. I'm reading Martha Beck's Steering by Starlight and it takes everything I learned in Four Day Win and kicks it up several notches. I'm cleaning out the attic so to speak. I realized everything I'm doing has been wrong.
But instead of panicking I'm feeling relieved, like I just set down a heavy sack of flour I didn't realize I'd been carrying around.
I wandered down the wrong path and got really lost. For years. But I'm finding my way back. I put away all the old stuff I've been sorting through. Instead of trying to make sense of my past or trying to somehow - somehow - use these old images in some way...(so I haven't been wasting my time!)... I've put it all away. Some of it is in a paper bag waiting to be burned.
I was thinking recently of Mark Rothko. The Rothko segment of Simon Schama's Power of Art series was my favorite, mainly because Rothko was in his 40s before he hit upon his method of working. Did you know he used to paint figures? Among many other things he tried that didn't quite work. What if he had held onto those ideas, unwilling to let go because he'd been working on them for so long. What if he had refused to let go, insisting there had to be a way to make them work? We never would have had this:
It's hard to admit you've been wasting your time, but continuing to pursue the same thing without results is just running on the Hamster Wheel of Despair (to quote Carolyn Hax from this year's Hootenanny).
So I have packed up the past - jumbled photos, old drawings, sketches, unresolved, unorganized, unanalyzed. Most important, not to be resolved. It's okay to just walk away and not finish something, despite the echo of my father's voice in my head declaring this is failure, tragedy, and the end of the world. Sometimes giving up is the best course of action, the only way to become unstuck.
What's more important is the now, and moving into the future. I'm finally learning what it means to let go.
I either destroyed or put away all the work I've done so far in Suzi Blu's A Lovely Dream workshop. I'm starting over. I'm going to make myself a coptic-sewn journal out of Stonehenge paper. Again. (I made one a couple years ago but I didn't like working in a bound book so I took it apart.) I have to wait for payday to get the paper. However, I have a blank journal from bookmaking class in grad school that I never used.
The paper is Rives, so it's lightweight and very fragile (it pills when erased). But, instead of panicking or declaring failure and ripping it all up, I glued sturdy watercolor paper to the backs of some pages, applied some clear gesso over the drawings, and am moving on.
It's a start.
A fresh start.
So, I got a Tumblr.
It's going to be only images, no words, no text.
No extensive explaining, or stating the same thing over and over again. No repetitive posts, either. lol.
I need to reign in my Left Brain. Too much justifying, defending, explaining. For anyone reading my blog - hello? Anyone? *AHEM* Is this thing on??? (that was a Babylon 5 joke) ...my writing needs some work. I tend to say the same thing over and over again, like I'm trying to defend my very existence.
My Tumblr will only be images. Artworks. Works in progress. Other stuff. Expect lots of Symon Kitten, what can I say?
Enjoy.
I'm going to try and live more in my Right Brain vs. my Left Brain.
Wish me luck.
It seems all I do is post pictures of Symon sacked out.
He's teething. So many have said, "I didn't even know cats teethed!" Neither did I. I raised three kittens in my early 20s and we never noticed if or when they were teething. One of them liked to chew on us, but he quickly outgrew that. Not Symon.
Symon chews and chews. Sometimes with all his might. It's actually better with his adult teeth than when he had little kitten needle teeth. When his gums were bleeding, we looked up "kitten teething" online. This eHow article was the most informative.
Symon has been "clingy and needy." And "may...sleep for long periods of time." Yep.
He sleeps in my arms.
He sleeps on the floor. (Like the bits of cat litter on the carpet?)
In my lap night after night.
Zonked out.
Sacked out.
Oh, look I got him in the bathroom first thing in the morning!
That's the only time he's up!
When Bravo broadcast Work of Art Season 1, I did a series of blog posts about each episode.
This time, I missed the first few episodes because we didn't even have internet and/or cable back yet.
I already decided not to do it again, since it was just too late. However, I also discovered the hilarious recaps on Art Fag City, and, well, I'm not worthy.
Check them out on Art Fag City:
This post has such great supplementary bios on the artists that I emailed Paddy to ask if I could submit my own artwork and get an entertaining critique! (She replied: Ha.) (But appreciated my compliments on the writing.)
So far they have the first four episodes up:
One Kitsch (choose a horrible piece of kitschy art and incorporate it into your True Work of Art)
Two Movement (make artwork in two teams based on "movement" after a performance of parkour)
Three Pop (make a piece of Pop artwork) POP IS BOLD POP IS BRAVE, etc.
Four Children's Art (incorporate a child's artwork into your own)
I can't get over the guy who calls himself "Sucklord" but apparently he's everyone's favorite. I like him, too, but the name grates on me everytime I hear it.
Suzi Blu watched the Kitsch show and made a work of art based on something she got from a thrift shop. See her blog post and wonderful video here: "Hide Me From the Rain" (I loved watching this video.)
I did not do Suzi's assignment to get something from a thrift store. I haven't even figured out where a thrift store is here in Bloomington, IN. I looked up Goodwill but haven't been there yet. The place where we take our recycling has a little shed where you can leave stuff, so I take our 'donations' there. The pickings aren't really anything I would want to bring home for artwork inspiration (old books that have been ouside, dirty worn baskets, and piles of styrofoam egg cartons).
However, during my exile this summer I rewatched old videos from Suzi's "Embody" Goddess Class and did one assignment:
Love Your Belly Fat
And here is a gratuitous photo of me and Symon. You don't need to know why my boobs are so big. Let's just say I appreciate Planned Parenthood for those times when I am uninsured, and leave it at that. It's the only semi-kitschy thing I have to offer.
Symon Cuddlebug
Whoever says cats don't need baths has never owned a cat. Symon was getting a little stinky and I was finding flea dirt (read: poop) but no fleas on him - I don't know where he picked that up, but it was time for a bath. For the record: he hates baths.
Hate-this-hate-this-hate-this
Symon, it's only a bath.
Do you know how long it's going to take me to put all my fur back into place?!?!
Symon, you were stinky and dirty.
Hey, Bitch! How about I clean my wet furry ass while leaning on your drawing! Have a 'Lovely Dream' about that!
Symon! *sigh*
Speaking of Lovely Dream:
I am taking Suzi Blu's art journaling workshop, A Lovely Dream. See her blog post about it here.
Although I'm progressing slowly. It's taking me awhile to figure out what I want my images to be. More later when I have stuff to show.
Our first assignment was the concept of "Friendship." While in the midst of our exile, doing so much introspective writing, the only things I could come up with re: Friendship were 1) Me & Steve (going through our Hell together) and 2) that I need to be more of a friend to myself. Here are the two pieces I did:
Symon jumped up onto the back of the computer chair.
Poor thing, he was shivering. But does he smell nice!
He kept jumping down, then coming back to snuggle, and clean himself while on me.
Think he has forgiven me?
Yes, I think I have been forgiven. *nudge* *nudge* *purrrrr* *purrrrr*
Symon, my black t-shirt is now covered in cat fur.
Deal with it.
I am like a Butterfly these days.
Last year, Suzi Blu posted a video about The Butterfly Project by the Holocaust Museum Houston. They are collecting handmade butterflies to honor the children killed during the Holocaust. I still haven’t made my butterfly, but the deadline isn’t until next June. After watching Suzi’s video, I wanted a pattern of a butterfly, so I Googled a bunch of butterfly images and drew my own. I didn’t even start using the butterfly pattern until recently.
My life has been through a lot of upheaval this year. We left the DC area and moved near Chicago, but after a few months we had to bail because neither of us could find jobs. While there, I had a low-paying temp job downtown, and I started sketching on my old journaling paper while on the train. I began to draw a woman emerging from a chrysalis. I felt it was time for me to emerge.
I’m ready, but I’m not quite there yet. I’m still in the cocoon stage. I’m working on a series of paintings and when they are finished, I am finally going to get them “out there.”
We are adjusting to our new lives in a rural area. My brother found Steve a job (on the night shift), but my jobhunting is going more slowly. I can’t believe I’m saying this, but I’d really like to stay here in Bloomington rather than drive an hour into Indianapolis (spending $20 on gas per round trip).
I didn’t even know what the butterfly meant until now. Change. Transformation. I am incorporating them into the paintings. These paintings are kind of like Alex and Kelsey, but I gave up the arbitrary names. My work is inherently self-portraiture, and to do anything else is inauthentic. My work has always been about me, the Self, myself. Whether the figures look exactly like me or not is irrelevant. But they are not anonymous strange women.
Instead of piddling around and putting things off, constantly changing my mind or convincing myself I’m not ready or the work is not ready, I’m finally getting somewhere. Even though the rest of my life was driven off a cliff. The sprained ankle was a metaphor for what went wrong: I didn’t look where I stepped and disaster ensued.
I have an idea for where I want my artwork to go in the future, but I need to focus on the here and now and get my work done. This is what has hung me up in the past – instead of working on my current idea, I constantly come up with new ideas.
My brother got an astrology book recently that gives relationship profiles based on the week you were born – not that we are that much into astrology, but some of the details were surprisingly accurate. I am a Gemini III, a restless type, happiest when on the move or exploring, but also content to drift and dream, which can be a deterrent to progress in career. Gemini IIIs can get caught up in endless striving without achievement – yep, that’s me, continually shooting myself in the foot, pursuing new ideas without completing present art projects. Although I don’t think “surprisingly good with money” applies.
It’s been hard to get out of my own way. Being out in the middle of nowhere with no cable, no t.v. and no internet has given me time to think. I’ve been writing, continuing to do my Martha Beck exercises, and am using a few other sources. This inward examination will continue. I am taking Suzi Blu’s A Lovely Dream Art Journaling course and will be posting that work. I also joined Natalie Neumann’s Vanillery Garden August Revolution class, although I’m late! A whole month late! But she listed many probing questions I’d like to answer and write about. However, I won’t be posting my self-examination writing. That’s part of a recent discovery – that the analysis needs to come much later.
When I began The Journaling Project back in grad school, in 1997, I wrote and drew and wrote and drew, and seemed to think that I was going to look at my work and analyze and figure things out. I’ve discovered that to do that kind of analysis takes the distance of time. I tend to get caught up in the details of my everyday life, and overwhelmed by the negative – chores, grocery shopping, what’s for dinner, things I’ve forgotten or messed up, bills to pay, my student loan omg how am I ever going to pay that off, office jobs I don’t enjoy, long commutes that wear me down, traffic blah blah blah blah. I need to learn to view my life from an Eagle-eye view – rising above the little things that weigh me down and looking at the overall picture. That’s a work in progress and something I have needed to learn for a long time. A tarot card reading back in 1995 gave the advice of rising above and taking an Eagle-eye view.
I also have a tendency to hold onto things very tightly – photos, old artwork, like the original is this precious thing that must be guarded. That’s why I could never do anything further with the Journaling work – I couldn’t touch the original. My Martha Beck relaxation exercises have, after much time, loosened that grip. Last year I destroyed most of my grad school work and all but the pre-Journaling Project 1997 sketchbook. While in Chicago, I sorted through my letters, papers, mementos and photos again. I threw out half my photos and most of my old letters. I condensed three bins down to one.
Grasscat Monoprint 1997
Since coming here I have looked through that 1997 sketchbook, and instead of seeing the whole book as this valuable work of art that cannot be altered, I see what is important/good/what I like vs. the rest – old notes on feminist issues and ideas that did not work, crap pasted in like clippings and postcards from gallery shows. I could tear out just a few pages and trash the rest. I’m still pondering an idea for doing something with the old artwork, like a personal mixed-media scrapbook. But that’s not my highest priority at the moment.
We were hoping to have our own internet soon, but there aren’t any good options for where we are (an expensive hot spot that comes with a contract). It’s been hard being offline and out of touch. (What? DC had an earthquake? There’s a hurricane?!) Once or twice a week after jobhunting at the public library (What fun! Not.) I’ve been copying blogs I follow and pasting them into Word docs to bring home and read. When we are on our feet and in our own apartment again we’ll get back online. But until then, blog posting will be sporadic, and I may have to post several at once.
Our little Symon has made all this bearable. He had to stay overnight at the vet’s Friday night after being neutered. That was a long, quiet, lonely night. When Steve got home Saturday morning he missed Symon running up to greet him.
When I picked him up Saturday morning the vet tech said, “OMG Symon is the favorite animal in the whole vet! When I took him out of the cage he jumped right up on my shoulders! He’s been sticking his paws out of the cage at us.” Yes, he’s just the bestest kitty. I can’t call him a kitten anymore because he’s gotten so big. He’s nearly 6 lb. now.
Stay tuned. I’m going to get this right.
